Gifts No One Wants

Buying gifts for loved ones is hard. Most recipients are polite enough to accept just about any gift with the fervour and excitement that the act of giving deserves. That said, not all gifts are created equal: your budget doesn’t matter but your thoughtfulness does. Here’s our list of the presents that no one (or, to be more considerate, most) don’t want.

1. Christmas Cake


Who the heck let this cake be the christmas cake. It’s so comically bad-tasting that it’s basically an insult to give someone one of these things. Some traditions are meant to die

2. Perfume for Dogs


Not only is this incredibly mean to dogs (who probably don’t want to smell like “A light refreshing blend of bergamot, amber, and jasmine” as Pepper and Tanky’s website describes), it’s also probably a great way to make the recipient of your gift feel totally worthless.

3. Obvious Re-gifts


If it’s something that you have never opened and you actually think the person you are giving the gift to will like it, or if it was something they asked for-sure, go ahead! However, if you are trying to tape the packaging together, have used a bit of it, or even worse, if it was something like chocolate and it expired -please, don’t do it.

4. Skincare Gift-Sets


We have mixed feelings about putting this on our list. Some people would love their entire shower routine to be rejuvenated with new product lines they’ve never used before. That said, more finicky skincare enthusiasts may have little use for moisturizers that are too heavy, shampoos that are too dry, and shower gel that’s too fragrant for their skin and hair. Unless you know the person from you’re buying for is compatible with the products in the gift set, your money is better spent elsewhere.

5. Merlot


While there’s nothing wrong with merlot (and actually an innumerable number of good Merlots being sold), it’s been notoriously known as the bad wine ever since Sideways came out over 10 years ago. Play it safe and go with something a bit more prestigious if you’re giving wine as a gift.

6. A Gym Membership


Like, what are you hinting at?

7. Socks (For a Kid)


To be completely honest, I would love to get new socks for Christmas. My pairs seem to always go missing (or get accidentally stolen by roommates), and getting some baller socks (like the ostentatious ‘Sexual Fantasy’ ones from Vetements) would be, for lack of a better term, jokes af. But if you’re buying for a younger sibling or cousin, socks are the biggest “F U” I can imagine. When I was a kid, my aunt once buried a new copy of Dragon Quest for Gameboy Colour in a bag filled with gym socks, forcing me to put on a show of loving the socks for the amusement of my spectating family when I initially opened the gift. This sadistic prank put me through a gambit of emotions and I’ve never fully recovered. Never. Buy. Socks. For. Kids.

8. A 2016 Calendar


Believe it or not, the months actually do change year to year. That said, this is an alpha move if you want to let your recipient know you don’t care about them.

9. DVD Sets of Television Series


Unless the person you’re buying for is elderly, they’ve stopped using DVDs years ago. Accept the digital media convergence and move on.

10. Nothing


Please don’t forget about your loved ones: this will hurt their feelings. If you can’t afford to buy anything, making something is just as kind.


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